The silence is deafening. I don’t think I ever remember a time when there was absolutely no sound in the background, no dog barking or fan whirring, or birds chirping. No cars passing by or people on the street laughing or yelling. It is a disturbing silence that caused anxiety to grip my chest in its vice and squeeze, making it difficult to breathe, convincing me that there is insufficient oxygen in the container for me to live.
I have no idea how long I lay on the mattress or pace the floor, hugging myself, flinching as I bumped into things. I start to imagine that someone is in here with me, and terror takes the place of anxiety. I picture eyes staring at me, and hands reaching out, able to touch, but pulling back at the last minute. An invisible form of torture, teasing and haunting in the silent darkness that envelopes and smothers me. I panic at the thought of not being able to breathe fresh air again and my brain is unable to form a plan of any kind. I am torn; desperate for Luke to open the door but also terrified that I have nothing to say, and then what? Would he assault me or worse?
Time drifts and I feel as if I am caught in between fantasy and horror, a living nightmare that seems too unreal to be true. The only plan I’d been able to come up with is to call my mother, but as to how I was going to explain the amount of money I needed, well, I still had no idea. I had cursed myself so many times the past however many hours I’d been trapped in here, and had gone around in circles thinking, if only I hadn’t acted in the heat of the moment, if only I never flushed those drugs down the toilet, everything would be fine right now and I’d probably be lying in bed in my apartment, hungover, thinking about eating a McDonald’s breakfast. Oh god, I would give anything right now just to have the freedom to walk down the street, or run into a shop and pick up a top, or grab an almond croissant and coffee from Costa. My mouth and eyes watered simultaneously as I imagined tasting the sweet flaky treat, just going about my daily business without a care in the world, and more tears rolled down my cheeks as I lay feeling defeated and helpless, and the hardest part about it is that I know that it is all my own stupid fault.
I drifted off into a dream-induced sleep. I broke free from Luke as he came into the container and I ran and ran through grass almost as tall as me, grass that whipped at my legs and left red bleeding lacerations. Suddenly, the sky went dark and I could hear noise behind me, a noise that was gaining speed and momentum, and as I ran, I turned back to look and I saw the luminous eyes in between the grass, eyes that were intent on taking me down. The moon appeared from behind the clouds and my heart lurched in my chest as I saw four wolves closing in behind me; they were snarling and frothing at the mouth as they picked up pace. The biggest male jumped, causing air to swish past me, and in the blink of an eye, I was on the ground and they were latching onto my feet and tearing into my flesh. Screams erupted from my very core, but nobody came and no one could hear me.
I pulled my torso along on my arms, aware that that blood was oozing out of me, pooling around my lower limbs and slowing me down. I looked back briefly and screamed as I saw that the wolves had devoured the flesh and bones where my feet once were. The wolves lay patiently in the grass, watching, waiting, toying with me. I felt myself getting slower and my thinking becoming foggy as I prepared to face death, and then the breath within me started to slowly whistle out as I died.
I wake suddenly covered in sweat, heart palpitating at an alarming rate and, not for the first time, I fear that I will die soon.
Luke is standing in the corner whistling. I have no idea how long he has been there, but I am pretty sure he would have seen me thrashing around, screaming, and sweating profusely.
Light streams into the container bringing me back to consciousness and causing me to squint.
“Fuck, it stinks in here. You need to get a wash.” Luke said. “Luckily for you, I have been a good boy and I’ve got a delivery of some underwear, clothes and deodorant. I’m here alone so you might want to strip off and I’ll chuck some water over you so you can freshen up.”
“No way! I’m not standing around naked in front of you.”
“Yeah, you are! You stink so get stripped, and it’s not like I haven’t seen it before, is it?”
I blush as I know that I have no choice. As for him saying it’s not the first time, this was completely different and beyond humiliating! I feel so vulnerable standing there in my underwear with him gawping at me. I feel like a child, I feel exposed and it makes me anxious and angry all at the same time and I start to cry.
“Please, Luke. Please just let me go. I promise I’ll get you the money.”
“Brush your teeth over there,” he points to the bowl in the corner. I walk zombie-like, submissive and silent and I do as I am told.
I brush my teeth and then wipe my face feeling slightly fresher, and I catch the bar of soap that he throws at me.
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